God's Simple Answer

Today as I was sitting in sacrament meeting I was caught up in deep contemplation.  I was curious to know how the family two rows ahead of us felt with their three boys, two of which are physically and mentally handicapped.  I wondered what pain the bishop's wife felt as they announced the recent passing of her father.  I wondered about the the mother sitting behind us who was struggling endlessly with her children, and questioned if the row of single elderly ladies were ever lonely or sad.  Were they all happy with their lives?  I was then drawn to the thoughts of others that have come and gone in my life and their struggles: the loss of a child, a wayward teenager, loneliness, discouragement in  find one's eternal companion, unemployment, serious addictions, financial difficulties, physical or emotional abuse, etc.  I thought to myself: "We all struggle.  That is part of life."  For some reason this simple yet profound impression hit me with great force.  I didn't ask the question "Why do we (I) have to struggle?"  Instead, I found myself asking "Why is it so hard for us to comprehend the need for suffering?"  We all struggle, it is a part of life, and it is okay.  

I assure you I am not writing this to spread my gossip everywhere, or to share what some may see as too personal of experiences, or even appear better or stronger than others around me.  I am simply writing something very personal to me because I have been inspired to do so.  I don't know yet whether this is for me or you, but never the less here it is.  

Jarid and I have been trying to start our family for about a year now.  After months and months of disappointment we decided to visit the doctor.  Last month, after some testing, we found out that Jarid has less than 2% viable sperm, and having children would not be an easy feat for us.  My heart was broken. I knew that we would have to face trails in this life, but I NEVER imagined I would have to face this one.  My shield of ignorance was removed and I felt helpless.  I was in a state of shock and denial which then turned into mourning and fear.  Many other feelings swept over me in such a short period of time it was so difficult to sort through them all.  While we were grateful for the many wonderful friends and family who were loving, supportive, and encouraging,  I still struggled.  I never asked why me, which seems rather odd not to do, but amid the storm there was also a peace unlike any I have ever felt.

Peace is not the absence of trouble, but the presence of Christ.  

After a lot of emotionally filled days and MANY prayers, I knew that no matter what happened my life was in good hands, and if my Father in Heaven felt I needed to pass through this trial then I needed to trust Him.  He has never let me down before, and He knows better than I which paths in life I should take.  I still don't know how or if Jarid and I will have children and we have not given up hope by any means, but I do know that struggling is a part of life and it's okay.  It is okay to feel hurt, lost, afraid, lonely, or sad, for without these feelings we would not be able to comprehend the love, kindness, and peace that our Savior offers.  President Henry B. Erying said, "If we have faith in Jesus Christ, the hardest as well as

the easiest times in life can be a blessing."  We must turn to our Savior in our trials for he suffered to comprehend all things and we must pray to have faith in the things we cannot comprehend. Each day still brings new experiences and feelings, both good and bad, but for now I know "It's okay."